Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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