hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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