yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
