eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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