vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had sex on a roof
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked