I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.