I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"