plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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