apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.