She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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