My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
