i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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