he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
