i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I lost the right to judge tonight
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