I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My penis needs a shock collar
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
