I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
