I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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