Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
