After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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