tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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