yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
two words...techno handjob
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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