Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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