i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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