I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
