had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
whose parrot is this?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
