If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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