he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
