I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
