Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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