I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
