You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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