somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
