i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
