Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
