If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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