Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
