My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
