i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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