What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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