Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
