I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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