His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
