so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
