New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
