Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
