I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
