I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
