No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
