I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
