So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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