Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I bet he comes in French.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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