How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
