my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
