I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We left the knife in your bed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are