If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
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How external is "for external use only"?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?