I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's