I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
