i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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