Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(409): View more from Texas

It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.

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(409): It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself. http://tfl.nu/yf3o

Replies (34) Good night (4185) Bad night (819)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

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(832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj

Replies (27) Good night (2010) Bad night (3450)
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(503): View more from Oregon

He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

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(503): He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy" http://tfl.nu/s0u1

Replies (14) Good night (4138) Bad night (1033)
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(515): View more from Iowa

then she stuck her tongue in my ass

(1-515): View more from Iowa

I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

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(515): then she stuck her tongue in my ass (1-515): I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her? http://tfl.nu/wzc5

Replies (18) Good night (3772) Bad night (2112)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was

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(201): at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was http://tfl.nu/89k6

Replies (21) Good night (3316) Bad night (1206)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.

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(412): i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad. http://tfl.nu/1j3o

Replies (3) Good night (3360) Bad night (1097)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties

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(508): The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties http://tfl.nu/xmd1

Replies (8) Good night (876) Bad night (1722)
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(256): View more from Alabama

hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by

(256): View more from Alabama

he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch

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(256): hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by (256): he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch http://tfl.nu/0lqj

Replies (13) Good night (2044) Bad night (694)
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(301): View more from Maryland

FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.

(727): View more from Florida

MAS TEQUILA.

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(301): FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE. (727): MAS TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/9ggd

Replies (3) Good night (1388) Bad night (572)
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(516): View more from New York

I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions

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(516): I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions http://tfl.nu/0adz

Replies (6) Good night (409) Bad night (671)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on

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(701): I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on http://tfl.nu/r00x

Replies (2) Good night (1066) Bad night (318)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...

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(+44): I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed... http://tfl.nu/4mc8

Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (555)
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(443): View more from Maryland

My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it

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(443): My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it http://tfl.nu/2q57

Replies (6) Good night (973) Bad night (278)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

....you got kicked INTO a party??

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(306): so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay. (1-306): ....you got kicked INTO a party?? http://tfl.nu/nppd

Replies (1) Good night (817) Bad night (240)
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(631): View more from New York

Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.

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(631): Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down. http://tfl.nu/giqk

Replies (5) Good night (709) Bad night (288)

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