i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.