chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
