hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there