I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
