Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
