for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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