Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
