Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
