well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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