my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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