so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
