Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
