Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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