Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
