Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
