so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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