I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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