I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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