Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
