Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
