Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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