i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
