just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
