I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You are the jesus of drinking
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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