apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This house was built for laser tag.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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