Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
