I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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