her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
