my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
