It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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