It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
