Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
