i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
third nipple confirmed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
