There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
