he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
