you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
