They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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