Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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