Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
